| The Next Generation | |
| 165 | |
| Homeward | |
| 47423.9 | |
What's the big deal anyway? All they have to do is install some atmospheric processing units and everything will be hunky-dory. Nope, this is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape descended life-forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. And you know what that means - no space travel, no interference. The high and mighty Prime Directive that Picard has flagrantly ignored in the past, raises its ugly head and bites his balls off. Ugh.
Worf is surgically altered by dressing him in a Robin Hood costume and flattening his nose, and then beamed down onto the planet to rescue his brother, who has been masquerading as one of the locals. Ah, so its alright to interfere, as long as the peasants don't realise it! Subterfuge has never been one of Starfleet's successes - it hasn't worked in the past, and it will probably work about as well now. One to beam down...
Naughty, naughty. Nikolai is hiding in a cave protected by a deflector-shield - and he's got his whole village with him! He wants the atmospheric processing units to save something of the Boraalans. "No," says the Chrome Dome Gnome, "we cannot interfere with the natural development of their culture - they must all die." What?!? Their culture has a developmental lifetime measured in hours, and he wants to let them die rather than interfere. He broke the Prime Directive to save Wesley, was prepared to be sacrificed by Data to save a sentient vacuum-cleaner, and wandered around on Romulus as a Federation spy, but is not now prepared to save a handful of villagers from the destruction of their world. Is he being Mr Grumpy or what!
But it is all just philosophical banter, because the atmosphere is gone and the problem has been neatly dealt with. Did someone say "energy drain"? What could that be? Oh look, holodeck-6 is in use and it's simulating a set of caves, and in the caves are villagers! Nikolai's outdone himself this time - he beamed them all up while they were sleeping and they never knew. Now all they have to do is find a suitable substitute planet, and beam them down again. "What if it doesn't work," screams the captain. There are always the ship's phasers to clean up the mess...
This is too easy, let's make it harder. "The simulation is breaking down," says Geordi, "the intense WibbleField™ we passed through means I can't fix it without a reboot." But we can't have that, then the peasants would realise, and we'd be forced to phaser them out of existence. One of the little men from the village goes for a wander in the caves and finds, an exit! Open Sesame...
Game over, thank-you for playing! Now if you will please step into the mind eraser, we'll drop you back into the simulation and you'll never know. Not so fast, their only physical difference may be a latex nose, but their minds are not compatible. The brain wipe won't work, so he can either stay on the Enterprise and suffer the culture shock from hell, or he can go back to his people and be called a madman! Can't tell them the truth, can't live with the secret, stay a while, stay forever! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! He does the only sensible thing and tops himself.
The new planet is in sight, and it looks like the scam will actually work. "The holodeck, she canna' take it any longer Captain," yells Geordi. Quick everyone into the tents! One simulated village to beam down... It worked! The simple peasants didn't realise. Doh! Nikolai has decided to pollute the gene-pool as well as the cultural development of the Boraalans and stay with them. Worf just can't help schmaltzy ending and forgives him for his transgressions. Barf!
