| The Next Generation | |
| 94 | |
| Qpid | |
| 44741.9 | |
Picard is an enthusiastic amateur archaeologist as well as being an enthusiastic amateur captain! It is good to see he has a hobby though. He is going to be giving a keynote speech at an archaeology conference that is conveniently held onboard the Enterprise. The similarities between TNG and Love Boat are becoming more and more apparent.
Picard wanders back to his quarters to find a Horgon - the love symbol of Risa! It isn't the only Risan artefact in the room as it is wielded by Vash, the woman that Picard had an affair with on his last holiday. She greets him in true form with her tongue firmly in the back of his throat. Unsurprisingly the Horgon drops to the floor.
During Jean-Luc and Vash's candle-lit dinner, Dr Bev turns up. She is a little surprised to meet Vash, and Vash is a little surprised that Picard had never mentioned her. As the captain is at a loss for words, Bev offers to give Vash a tour of the ship. Their first port of call is 10-Forward. Can you guess who was cruising the floor like a predatory bearded shark - Commander Sleezeball! He immediately puts a move on Vash, which she successfully deflects. Bev is called away so Riker becomes tour guide and eventually concludes the tour in the bridge. Picard seems less than happy at finding her draped over his command chair.
At the opening session of the conference it becomes clear to Vash that Picard never told anyone about her. She reacts appropriately and stomps off, while Picard looks dejected. Worf says: "Nice legs... for a human", to the amusement of his pals.
There is someone waiting for Picard in his ready-room - Q! He wants a big hug and claims that he has a debt to repay for the captain getting him reinstated in the continuum. Jean-Luc Picard is now extremely paranoid.
Picard goes to see Vash to try and explain why he was silent about their affair, and instead find that she has got the plans of the ruins - and equipment to excavate them. It now seems that the Bald Avenger was not the only reason that she turned up. She yells, he yells, and Q pops his head in for a laugh. The laugh continues in Picard's bedroom when Q pops up to ribs him about his love-life. After making it clear that Picard would have Q standby as she led him to his destruction, Q says: "As you wish".
Picard's lecture starts poorly, but things really take a dive when the crew start changing clothes in front of him! Rather than being a peep-show, the Q is giving them hats, and Riker gets a pole - as if he needs one. The delegates see Picard in a cute green number complete with long-bow, just before the entire crew is transported to... Sherwood Forest.
Worf, dressed as Wil Scarlet complains to the captain: "I am not a merry man", but they all seem somewhat suited to their roles. Q arrives and explains the rules of the game: Picard must rescue Vash as Maid Marion, by lunchtime on the morrow, or she will literally lose her head. The conundrum is that to save Vash, he must risk his crew.
Meanwhile somewhere in the castle at Nottingham, Sir Guy offers marriage to Vash, who promptly slaps him in the face. He is left with no choice but to order her execution. She quickly changes sides...
In the forest the crew is trying to get a feel for their roles. Geordi as Alan O'Dale tries to play the lute, but Worf puts an end to it by smashing it against a tree: "Sorry". Troi is not doing much better as her archery practice uses Data as a target!
In Nottingham, Marion has dumped Robin for Guy, much to the annoyance of Q. When the captain finally breaks in to rescue her, she takes his sword and hands him over to Guy as a wedding gift! Q comes to see her to congratulate her on her duplicity, but when he finds a letter that she had written to Riker he orders the guards to take her away too!
Even with the prospect of nothing but an imminent death, Picard and Vash can't stop arguing. As the axe is falling, Robin's merry men cause a diversion, and after an impressive fight, defeat the Sheriff's forces. The fact that most of the crew had no experience in fencing makes the victory all the more amazing. Q claims that his debt is paid in full.
Back on Enterprise in Picard's ready-room, Vash beams in! She is followed shortly by Q. They are to be partners and explore the universe together! The captain at least gets a kiss goodbye before they beam out.
