| The Next Generation | |
| 141 | |
| Tapestry | |
| not given | |
There's a medical emergency, and the casualties are... the away team! Laughing Boy is displaying a nasty gash to the forehead, but that is nothing compared to the Bald Avenger who looks like he's been attacked by a chestburster. Unfortunately Dr Social Conscience can't do a thing for him and he dies...
...to awake in the afterlife! There's an angelic figure drifting towards him. As Picard takes its hand he recognises it as Q! "Welcome to the afterlife Jean-Luc. You're dead!". Final proof that there is a God - unfortunately Q would not be anywhere near the top of most people "preferred deity" list, and comes right down the bottom of Picard's. He refuses to believe his eyes, and even his dead relatives!
So why did our hero die? Close range blasts from energy weapons aren't supposed to bother heroes, only villains! He would have lived, but for his artificial heart. He lost his real one in a fight with aliens during his academy days. If he could only do it over again, "things would be different". Q grins and...
Slap! That rather resounding noise came from the close contact of a female hand to Picard's face. Ensign Johnny Picard has been carousing again, and this time double-booked his body. She found out. Wait a minute! Ensign? Q is playing silly buggers with time again, and has granted him his wish. All he has to do is avoid getting stabbed through the heart and he will live in the future. That couldn't be too hard, could it?
Picard is 21 going on 50, and like many guys with this problem finds it hard dealing with the real world, and females in particular. He manages to strike out with the second one in as many encounters, and can't understand how he used to be - using his hormones instead of his head. Ah, the joys of youth!
Enter the villains! Behind door number one we have the Nausicaans. As anyone who has studied ancient Greek will be able to tell you it means "unconvincing latex aliens, but still intimidating as they are seven feet tall". They believe in cheating at damjat, which is sort of like a cross between pool and a pinball machine. Picard's pal Corey gets swindled by them and plans a rematch - one in which they rig the table the other way!
There's one problem with this amazing plan: it was exactly this event that caused the fight, that caused our hero to get skewered, and consequently to die when his heart malfunctioned in the future. So all he has to do is avoid the confrontation. Easy, right? Nope, because Corey, like all 21 year olds doesn't like to be told what to do. A quick check of the scoreboard shows: he's now lost two dates and his best friend. The champ's in great form!
Since he failed to make out with any of his dates, Picard is somewhat surprised when Marta, his friend for so long starts hitting on him. She likes his new less aggressive attitude and falls with him down onto the bed. He wakes up in the morning with a huge grin on his face and rolls over to see his sweetheart... Q! Ugh. Is it all roses for young Johnny Picard? Hah! He learns the number one lesson of life: Don't have sex with your friends, because it will ruin the friendship.
It's the big night. The Nausicaans arrive and Johnny manages to avoid the conflict, by thumping Corey instead. So what is the final score? He's lost all his dates and all his friends, but at least he is unpunctured and that means he will survive in the future. "Congratulations" says Q, and good to his word, Picard's alive and back on the Enterprise. So why is he wearing a blue uniform?
Because he is now Lieutenant (Junior Grade) Picard in astrophysics! A thorough, dedicated, steady, boring career officer who never achieved anything. He meets Riker and Troi in 10-Forward and gets told that command is not a realistic ambition for him. He's probably the oldest dead-end Lieutenant in Starfleet.
So despite it all, the Chrome Dome Gnome is still not a happy chappy. He opens the turbo-lift door... back to the afterlife again. His options are clear, dead boring or just plain dead. Q tells him that that is what he becomes because he avoided the fight, and always played it safe. You thought that Q would play fair? I don't think so. Picard says that he would rather die than live that way...
Which seems to be an option as he is once again facing the Nausicaans in the bar. This time he starts the fight and history really does repeat as he gets stabbed just like before. Chuckling, he fades out to find himself... regaining consciousness in sick-bay, this time as Captain again. Was it all just a dream? Did he really die? Is Q God? All good questions, but why he is asking the opinion of Riker is anyone's guess. That which does not kill us makes us stronger, and sometimes so does that which does!
