The TREKKER Reviews


SERIES
The Next Generation
EPISODE
145
TITLE
Lessons
STARDATE
46693.1


Communications are blacked out for a Spectral Analysis experiment. The library is also offline to give the experiment more processing power. So are the replicators. When the Chrome Dome Gnome can't get his cup of tea, Earl Grey, hot someone's in trouble. The troublemaker is Lt. Cmdr Darrin, the new head of Stellar Sciences.

Not only is she a department head, but she's also a music-head. Data is impressed by her ability in his trio, and Picard practically fawns all over her. It's looking bad when she tells him to "expect the unexpected". Like assuming this episode will not be complete rubbish? Methinks not...

Darrin pays Jean-Luc a personal visit, and interrupts him playing with his flute. Despite 40 years of subjective practice, he still isn't very good. She whips out her roll-up piano and they play "Frere Jacques" together. How sweet. As his quarters don't sound great, she leads him up the Jeffries Tube to the most acoustically perfect spot on the ship. Couldn't the holodeck have simulated something? After a quick rendition of "Speed Bonny Boat" she switches from playing the piano to Picard's tongue-flute. I think I'm going to be sick.

The Bald Avenger hasn't had much experience in matters romantic, so he goes off to talk to Troi. He's worried that having a relationship with a fellow officer will compromise his objectivity. I'm worried that it will compromise my dinner. Troi gives the little puppy her permission and he happily wags his tail and leaves. Laughing Boy isn't happy though as Picard's new plaything tries to walk all over him. It isn't going to work with a seasoned campaigner, and it isn't going to work with Wil Riker either!

Since the Enterprise doesn't have anything better to do, they head off to study a fire-storm on a nearby planet. It's lucky they did, as the storm is going to be particularly nasty and wipe out a Federation outpost unless they can evacuate it. This shouldn't be a problem for our resourceful team. Darrin suggests that they use thermal deflectors as a firewall while the evacuation is proceeding. Fine, you thought of it, you implement it...

The fire-storm is interfering with the transporters, and the teams on the surface are having difficulty cross-connecting the deflectors. They're going to have to be manually calibrated, and they will have to cut it very close. Here comes the storm... Actually they tried to cut it too close, and while the colonists got out, not all the teams made it back. Guess who didn't make it? Darrin of course!

Picard is Mr Morose. He gave his love a cherry, and it turned out to be a cherry-bomb! How fitting - Q would have loved the irony. But wait - there are survivors! Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Yes! She made it. Of course now he can't conceive of ever putting her life in jeopardy again. He suggests that she could resign her commission and become his full time bed-warmer. Fat chance! She's going to apply for a transfer. As she leaves, she says: "Promise me something - don't give up your day job!".

Roll Credits...

There has been some rubbish presented as a TNG episode in the past, but this one is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. There was precisely no SF content whatsoever, and it just reinforces that none of the major characters can have anything approaching a normal relationship. This has to be the worst episode yet this series - even Barclay was better!


This review is Copyright © 1994, Phil Kernick.
Permission is granted for anyone to electronically distribute it - details available on request.