| The Next Generation | |
| 134 | |
| A Fistful of Datas | |
| 46271.5 | |
After 40 subjective years of practice Captain Picard still can't play his tin whistle. And it's no wonder with all the distractions he gets - being a Starfleet captain can certainly cramp your musical style. It must be nice for the crew to get some time off, I wonder what the others are doing...
Geordi and Data are playing mind games - they're going to use Data as a backup for the engineering computer. A piece of flexible hose, some flashing lights and a quick flick to the back of the skull and Data's a VT100! Why no-one has tried hooking him into the weapons system in the past is a mystery to me. ZAP! Maybe that's why - Geordi obviously got the parity setting wrong. Oh well, disconnect and try again later...
Worf is looking for extra work so that he can avoid Alexander. Unfortunately for him, he can't find any. Why would he want to? Maybe the Stetson is a clue. Saddle up, we're off to the holodeck for a wild west adventure! Worf is wearing spurs and a tin star that makes him the Sheriff of Deadwood, and Alexander is his deputy.
Worf's upbringing has left him sadly lacking when it comes to Westerns, and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do. "Arrest Eli Hollander, he's the bad guy" says Alexander. Ok, a quick palm-strike to the chin and drag him off to jail. "No, no," screams Alexander "that was too easy. Computer increase to level four."
Now things are getting interesting! Worf has to fight Hollander's henchman before he has a chance for an arrest. "I'm beginning to see the appeal of this program" he chuckles, at least until he's facing down the barrel of Hollander's pistol. What will save the sheriff now? The mysterious stranger and her shotgun! For this dramatic production the stranger is played by none other than Troi, and the leather pants suit her.
Strange things are happening throughout the Enterprise - Picard's Mozart concerto has changed into the Slavonic Dance, and Bev's attempt to produce yet another play is derailed when it is mysteriously replaced with some of Data's poetry! The wonderful Enterprise computer has once again dropped its clue.
Back in Deadwood, the deputy's been captured! It's another villain, Eli's father Frank, played by Data! "I'm not supposed to be captured yet." moans Alexander, "Computer freeze program!" Nope, not this time, it's yet another holodeck malfunction! More importantly, it isn't actually Data, it just looks like him...
Hollander goes to see Sheriff Worf, and offers him a trade, boy for boy. Worf refuses, and then looks really surprised when he can't freeze the program either. He dives out of the saloon amid a hail of bullets, taking one in the shoulder. "Ha!" he laughs, "It's only a flesh wound!" Eli is now wearing Data's face too... Maybe he'll reconsider the trade.
Geordi finally raises his hand and admits that he messed up the computer. His interface program messed up main computer subroutine C47, and mixed up the recreational subsystems with Data's mind. C47? What ever happened to meaningful variable names? Data is slowly developing more and more Old West mannerisms. "Don't y'all worry" he drawls, as he swaggers out, pausing just long enough to spit on Picard's plant!
Has the holodeck become another Westworld? Is Worf fated to die at the hands of maniacal creations, designed only for pleasure, but ready for pain? No, that's getting a bit melodramatic, anyway his ContractShield™ is bound protect him. Just in case it doesn't he jury rigs his communicator into a force field. It will protect him for a maximum of 15 seconds.
Worf prepares himself for the trade and the certain gunfight. Out step the bad-guys, with guns ready! One, two, three... there must be a fistful of Datas! Worf draws and shoots the pistol out of Hollander's hand. He's won! So why hasn't the program ended? The heroes retire back to the saloon, to find that Miss Annie is Data too! "Computer end program! Right now!" Miss Annie's affections are replaced by the black and yellow striping of the holodeck just in time.
If trouble rears its ugly head in Deadwood again, the Sheriff will be ready. To the sound of triumphal music, the Enterprise rides off into the sunset,
