| The Next Generation | |
| 121 | |
| The Perfect Mate | |
| 45761.3 | |
Since exploration is out of the question, the Enterprise is once again to host a reconciliation conference - this time between Krios and Volt Minor. Can't they even try to go where no-one has gone before? The Kriosian ambassador Briam has a special cargo to deliver to the mediations - something fragile and irreplaceable. A bomb perchance?
Here's trouble. A Ferengi shuttle is issuing a distress call, and like the lap dogs of the galaxy that they are, Picard orders the Enterprise to take a look. Oh no, their ship is about to explode! Big deal. Incredibly they manage to beam the two Ferengi off it just as it explodes. This "just in the nick of time" lark is becoming improbable. Speaking of improbable, did I mention security procedures on the Enterprise? The Ferengi have no trouble in finding the cargo bay with the Kriosian special cargo. It's a glowing egg! You can't make an omelet...
Crash! The egg falls to the floor just as Worf and his security team arrive. Next to the party are Picard and Briam in a dashing kaftan. Fashion sense, who needs it? The egg hatches into... a beautify woman. She strides over to the Bald Avenger and says: "I am for you Alrik of Volt." Stunned would be an understatement. It's rare that women fling themselves at him, but using someone else's name too! Too bad it's all a misunderstanding. She's actually a gift to the Voltan people to say thankyou. What a nice thought.
Kamala is an EmpathicMetamorph™. She can sense what a potential mate most desires, and then she becomes it, bonding for all time to just one man. Wow! I wonder if they are available mail-order? Her sole purpose in life is to make men horny. Laughing Boy isn't called Number One for nothing, she immediately becomes his perfect woman - warm and vaguely female - and starts trying to please him. "I make it a policy to never open another man's gift" he says as he runs of to holodeck four to relieve his frustrations.
Dr Social Conscience doesn't approve. What a complete surprise, little Ms Morals has to step in and wave the flag. Picard finds it necessary to beat her about the head and shoulders with the Prime Directive until she shuts up, but it won't keep her quiet for long...
He decides to go and visit Kamala to see what the problem is. The problem is her! She immediately becomes everything he wants - someone who will obey just one of his orders. He has to back up to a wall as she reaches for him and he squeals "Don't do this, this thing you do with men." He could as much ask Wesley not to be a complete pratt.
Ambassador Briam wants her confined to her quarters, to reduce the possibility of trouble, but Picard won't hear of it. He gives her the free run of the ship, but tells Data to be her chaperone. He's made it with Tasha Yar before, could Kamala be his reprise? Not if every other male on the ship has his way! Where would be the most inappropriate place to take her? 10-Forward? Yep, so that's where they head.
One drinks and she's anyone's, two drinks and she's everyone's! Except in her case she doesn't need the drinks. Worf comes to her rescue as she tries to accost a group of drunken miners. "Grrr" she purrs at him. He responds in kind, but then breaks it off quickly. Embarrassment is an ugly emotion on a Klingon. She agrees to confine herself to her quarters on one condition, that Picard agrees to be her plaything. "I'm really quite dull" he says. No kidding.
The Ferengi go to see Briam. They try to bribe him to give them the metamorph. He stands on his moral high ground, and tells them that he is going to report them to the captain. The problem with being on the high ground, is that it is a long way to fall, and with a glass table the only thing to slow you down your chances of survival are slim. In an amazing display of authority Picard has the Ferengi sent off to a nearby StarBase for incarceration!
The problem is that Briam isn't going to recover before the ceremony, and it can't be delayed. So once again the Chrome Dome Gnome puts on the mantle of galactic diplomat and will represent a people he has never met before. Yeah right. Since his experience and knowledge are limited, Kamala offers to tutor him on the finer points. This should be fun...
Chancellor Alrik of Volt finally arrives, and doesn't seem the least bit concerned that Briam is indisposed. Amazing! It's also amazing that he is more interested in trade agreements than the metamorph. He needs to get out more.
Picard goes to see Kamala to tell her of her soon to be bonded mate. "Please don't leave" she croons. He doesn't! She polishes his dome and whispers in his ear "You can never use me." If not, he's not trying hard enough. She finally tells him that she will never love Alrik, because she's already bonded... to him!
I wonder if there is a Starfleet regulation prohibiting this sort of thing? Probably. But what will happen now? Will the two star-crossed lovers give up they maudlin lives and run off together, finally breaking free of the oppressive shackles of their respective societies? Of course not! Picard is going to use Riker's holodeck program, and Kamala will go through with it for duty's sake. Ugh.
