| The Next Generation | |
| 120 | |
| Cost Of Living | |
| 45733.6 | |
See the Enterprise fly. The Enterprise flies fast. See the asteroid. The asteroid flies faster. See the Enterprise shoot the asteroid with photon torpedoes. The asteroid still flies. See the Enterprise shoot the asteroid with a particle beam. The asteroid explodes. See the strange glitter settle from the explosion onto the Enterprise. Oh no, not again...
Alexander and Worf are having a domestic, and rather than settle it with a batlekh as true Klingons would, they go to see Counsellor Troi. Does she recommend a good spanking? Well, not for Alexander. For him she thinks a contract between father and son would work best. For her...
Communal harmony goes out the window when Lwuxana Troi arrives for her wedding! She's getting married again, and of course he's royalty. She hasn't actually met him yet, but the profiles look so good! Deanna is not amused, but beggars can't be choosers. The old battleaxe decides that meddling in her daughter's life isn't enough, so she decides to meddle in "Mr Woof's" too. What's the best character development a young Klingon could have - how about a naked mud bath with an aging Betazoid! Perfect.
The marriage is going to have to be a compromise. Minister Campio, her betrothed, doesn't want her naked at the wedding as is Betazoid tradition, and that is probably for the best. Unfortunately the wedding gown makes her look like Phyllis Diller in spandex, so I'm not sure which is worse. I'm sure it will all work out - NOT!
The replicators are experiencing serious malfunctions. Instead of tea, they are dispensing sausages! What could be causing this we wonder. Probably the fact that several access panels are full of slime. Either Riker's top drawer has leaked or the ship is being possessed by Mr Staypuft! The problem goes from being incidental to being an emergency when the intertial dampers get slimed too!
Campio beams on board with his Protocol Master! "All things must be perfect" he asserts. Is he going to be in for a shock. When Lwuxana wants to go for another mud-bath with Alexander rather than discussing the prenuptual arrangements the meeting degrades into a yelling match. Their jaunt on the holodeck is cut short when the walls start to drip slime. That could have made it all the more fun!
A quick analysis shows that some sort of metal parasite is ingesting nitrium, and turning it into slime. As almost all the key systems on the ship, including life-support, have nitrium in them, the Enterprise is going to fall apart. There's only one thing for it - throw in a ghost trap and don't cross the streams! As they don't have any, they'll have to return to the asteroid field, and try and convince the parasites to leave.
All the systems are failing, and they make it back just as the crew falls unconscious. It's moments like these... Data takes control and beams out a trail of nitrium breadcrumbs, that the glitter happily follows. It's a good thing it worked, because the dilithium chamber would have failed in another 40 seconds. Yeah right.
Since that emergency has been dealt with, they are left with the other one - Lwuxana's wedding. Dum, dum, da-dum. Now entering we have Buffy Troi, resplendent in her best birthday suit! The farce runs strong in that one. Laughing Boy grins so wide you can see his tonsils. Minister Campio is less impressed and leaves with his Protocol Master covering his eyes! Poor baby.
Lwuxana is happy in her mud pool. Pan left: so is Alexander. Pan left: so is Troi! Pan left: so is Worf! "You're just supposed to sit here?"
