|The Next Generation|
|Ménage à Troi|
The Enterprise has been overseeing trade agreements (again!). This time on Betazed, the last standout in the universe not to have switched exclusively to VHS, and for the first time, the Ferengi have been allowed to join in. At the closing banquet we see Riker beating a Ferengi at 3D chess, Wes dribbling on as usual, and Deanna being bitched at by her mother, Lwuxana Troi.
It seems that one of the butt-heads, Daimon Tog, has the hots for Lwuxana, and makes it perfectly clear - to the revoltion of all around. Lwuxana makes it perfectly clear that a liason is out of the question, by screaming at the top of her lungs and calling the Ferengi a troll. I always imagined trolls to be taller and more fearsome...
Back on the Enterprise at the conclusion of the festivities, Worf says that he likes Lwuxana's attitude. I wonder why she is there at all. Is the Enterprise a sort of floating hotel for bit characters? Anyone who seriously believes that the Enterprise is a war ship is missing something really important. In a typical bitch session, Lwuxana jibes Deanna about how she should get married and have a kid, and that Riker would have been a good catch. Deanna storms out. I often wonder what keeps half of humanity from having sane conversations.
Oh no, lets not start praising Wesley again. This time at the meeting of the Wesley fan club, Geordi and Data are heaping congratulation on the twirp to the adoring crowd comprised of Picard and Riker. It's almost enough to make you sick. Wes it seems has done his written acadamy entrance exams, and assuming he passes the oral exam will be able to join the acadamy. I hope he gets it because then we won't have to put up with him. Picard "suggests" that Riker take some shore leave.
Down on Betazed Riker and Troi and trying to get all snooky, when in comes the dragon - or at least Lwuxana! She has prepared a nice picnic. It's so "nice" it's sickening. Just to liven up the action, Daimon Tog beams in and says that he is so taken with Lwuxana, that he will take Lwuxana, and Riker and Deanna just for laughs, and they are all beamed back to his ship.
On the Ferengi ship, our away team (for lack of a better title) recover from some knockout drug, and no sooner are they conscious than the ladies are beamed away sans clothes. Tog has a business proposition for Lwuxana that he poses with a grin from ear to ear - and with those ears that is something even Riker would have to work to better. The Trois cover themselves with some handy curtains that just happened to be lying about, and Deanna is beamed back to Riker - lucky girl.
Tog says that he and Lwuxana should "talk" and a dayglo yellow 1970's bed pops out of the wall like in some cheesy X rated film. Lwuxana and Tog dribble on seemingly endlessly.
Back on the Enterprise Data delivers a line that will have Wesley-haters chearing: "There is no guarantee that Wesley will be reassigned to the Enterprise". Geordi gives a pep-talk and we are left yawning.
Riker manages to con his way out of his cell by offering to play the guard at 3D chess. I was somewhat surprised that the board was in a different configuration to the one earlier - still, who am I to criticise, we're talking about the future! After jobbing to guard, Riker discovers that he needs Tog's access code to send a transmission. As he doesn't have this, he decides to encode a message in the Warp Field Phase Adjustment.
Lwuxana's deceit is discovered, and the Ferengi have a squabble, with Tog finally concenting to give her to the doctor for scientific experiments. Riker and Troi run to her aid, and are promptly captured. What a complete surprise.
The Enterprise finally discovers that something has gone wrong, and set about trying to find the missing crew. Wes is about to leave to go to the acadamy, and Bev gives him and official paramount "Federation of Planets" lunchbox, when to our shock and disgust he turns back. Riker encoded the Algolian ceremonial beat in the static, and Wes recognised it. And I thought that there was a change of losing two annoying characters, now it seems we will get to keep both of them.
Lwuxana offers herself in trade for Riker and Troi, which seems perfectly fair to me. Coincidentally, the Enterprise turns up. Riker and Troi are returned and Picard must fight to get Lwuxana back. He tries to act as a jealous lover, but I don't think that he was really fooling anyone. After a bout of bad poetry, he threatens to blow Tog up. 10, 9, 8..., 1 and she is beamed over.
The captains wants to see Wes. As he didn't take his exam, he isn't getting into the acadamy, but should apply again next year. Damn. Another series with the twirp is going to be hard to handle. And then it happens, the speech we have all be dreading. Picard: "The acadamy must make you wait... but... I cannot... make you wait for the adadamy". Wesley is given a field promotion to full ensign. Arrrghhh!! No!