| The Next Generation | |
| 45 | |
| Manhunt | |
| 42859.2 | |
Once again the Federation rolls out its first-class shuttle bus, this time to escort a group of Antedian dignitaries to a conference on Pacifica. I hope the planet's name is appropriate as these guys look like catfish wearing lampshades. They put themselves in a state of self-induced catatonia to survive the rigours of space travel. What a good idea! The bus is just pulling away from the curb when who should come running up, yelling for it to stop? Lwuxana Troi! Oh no, not again...
Mrs Troi has been granted full Ambassadorial status, and to celebrate it, she prepares a special Betazed dinner for the officers. Well actually, for a subset of the officers. To tell the truth, just one of them - Captain Picard! The lights are low, the music is soft, and Picard is squirming like a caged animal. "Betazoid women are full of surprises" she purrs. So are human men - "Picard to Data, would you like to join us for dessert?" Mr Stuffy got out of it this time, but...
So why is the elderly emissary acting so seductively? She's reached The Phase! It's the time in every Betazoid woman's life when her sexuality peaks. Her sex-drive has at least quadrupled, and she's focussing all her energy on her future husband. And coming into the final turn it's Picard ahead by a nose...
If he spurns her, she'll be deeply resentful, and will take it personally. Spurn her, spurn her! If you don't do it now, you'll regret it later. It's all too much for Captain Conciliatory, so he skulks off to the holodeck and into his favourite fictional retreat - San Francisco and the Office of Dixon Hill, PI. At least here he'll be safe - all he has to cope with are gangsters and the mob! Lwuxana's furious, so she goes on the prowl for an alternate. Wesley? Too young. Worf? Not human. Geordi...
All the votes are in, and the winner is - Wil Riker! "Not him" screams Deanna. Having your lunch cut, by your own mother - how sad. Lwuxana proudly stands on the bridge and announces their approaching marriage. Deanna looks shocked, and after a moments serious contemplation Wil decides against it too. Quick, to the holodeck! Nails Riker and Carlos the albino from South America disappear from the bridge.
This is all too much to bear for the Matron Mother, "Computer, where's Commander Riker?" Just follow the moving lights... to Rex's Bar, downtown San Francisco. The gang's finally all here, when who should come striding through the door - Mrs Troi and her valet, Lurch. Is there no peace for the wicked? Apparently not. Technology has never been one of Lwuxana's strong points, and nobody bothers to tell her that proposing marriage to a holodeck character is destined for disappointment. Maybe it's because they're all giggling and sneaking out again!
Welcome to Pacifica! It's time to beam down to the conference, but Lwuxana won't share the transporter with the fish-heads. Why not? Because they're not delegates, they're assassins! Well why didn't you say so! Their robes were lined with explosives and they were going to blow it all up. Nice of her to mention it earlier. It would probably have been a blessed release to the other delegates when Ambassador Horny beams down!
